Current:Home > MyRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -MoneySpot
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-18 17:15:35
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (2)
Related
- Trump wants to turn the clock on daylight saving time
- Dianne Feinstein remembered as a trailblazer and pioneer as tributes pour in after senator's death
- The Flying Scotsman locomotive collided with another train in Scotland. Several people were injured
- Man deliberately drives into a home and crashes into a police station in New Jersey, police say
- Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
- 'Surreal': Michigan man wins $8.75 million in Lotto 47 state lottery game
- Deal Alert: Shop Stuart Weitzman Shoes From Just $85 at Saks Off Fifth
- Rejected by US courts, Onondaga Nation take centuries-old land rights case to international panel
- Skins Game to make return to Thanksgiving week with a modern look
- Katy Perry signs on for 2024 'Peppa Pig' special, battles octogenarian in court
Ranking
- The company planning a successor to Concorde makes its first supersonic test
- Man deliberately drives into a home and crashes into a police station in New Jersey, police say
- Alabama objects to proposed congressional districts designed to boost Black representation
- California Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s body returns to San Francisco on military flight
- Spooky or not? Some Choa Chu Kang residents say community garden resembles cemetery
- Maryland governor’s office releases more details on new 30-year agreement with Orioles
- Which jobs lose pay in a government shutdown? What to know about military, national parks, TSA, more
- Inside the night that Tupac Shakur was shot, and what led up to the fatal gunfire
Recommendation
Sam Taylor
An arrest has been made in Tupac Shakur’s killing. Here’s what we know about the case and the rapper
Seattle Officer Daniel Auderer off patrol duty after laughing about death of woman fatally hit by police SUV
Kansas guard Arterio Morris charged with rape, dismissed from men’s basketball team
Working Well: When holidays present rude customers, taking breaks and the high road preserve peace
She's broken so many records, what's one more? How Simone Biles may make history again
'We feel your presence': Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' widow, kids celebrate late DJ's birthday
Blocked by Wall Street: How homebuyers are being outbid in droves by investors